Home > Saturday Funnies > Who Knows What Lurks In The Hearts Of Cats?

Who Knows What Lurks In The Hearts Of Cats?

This is the last week of cat equity on OSo40. The relationship between cat and human has always been hard to understand. Humans tend to think of cats as a pet, something we own. Cats however tend to think of it more like a co-habituation situation.

As owners (C of C just fell of the desk with laughter!) we continue to try to get our feline companions to do what we want them to do. As the “real” owners, our cats just stare at us with that “you poor silly human” look on their faces.

Ever heard of the expression “it’s like herding cats”? No? Then please take a moment to watch the following short film.

So what really does go on inside that little furry head? A recent find (undisclosed source, I suspect the CIA) might give us a clue. It appears to be some sort of diary…

DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair… must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 – Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was… Hmmm. Not working according to plan …

DAY 768 – I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…

Taking the above into consideration, you might wonder if your “cute” little fur-ball might be plotting something far more sinister than a hair ball on your pillow. But how can you be sure? Luckily, the all-knowing internet has provided a simple test. Have a look this link and see if any of this seems familiar?

How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you

Illustrations by Matthew Inman

This wraps up the Saturday Funnies for this week. I’ll see you next week, just keep an eye on your cat!

About these ads
  1. Moosie (Conker and Sharlotte's mommy)
    April 30, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    I like to think of the feline and human relationships within my household full of respect and affection. While we humans indeed refer to ourselves as owners, same can be said for our feline counterparts. They are owners of our admiration, respect and love. While enjoying the long awaited sunshine today, Conker did his garden patrol ensuring the safety of the perimeter of our property. Sharlotte, once she got over her jitteryness of the outdoor stimulation (birds flying, wind blowing through grass, squirrels jumping along the fence, and her favourite – little grass hopping bugs), came out to ensure that the grass was safe to nibble on. Good to know. Please let CoC know, that if she feels that the end of cat equity week is unfair, it is only in jest I am sure. We need our felines as much as they need us. Probably more so. Many hugs and scritches,

    Moosie (& Conker and Sharlotte)

    • KenBroad
      May 1, 2011 at 12:24 pm

      Nicely put Moosie!

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

PicaPANDA

My World of Pandas

Hanging On The Trail

Planning and completing a 2014 Appalachian Trail thru-hike

Girly Camping®

It's Not Just For Boys...

FIRESIDE with Chef at Heart

Cooking for the health of it.

Boys' Life magazine

Play challenging online games, laugh at funny jokes, build amazing projects and find lots of fun at the online home of Boys\' Life, the official youth magazine for the Boy Scouts of America.

WordPress.com News

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.

The earth

Great people, places, events, trends, movies, music, life around this great world

Simple Pleasures

Visual Poetry

SCOUT - PIONEERING

GOOD, OL' FASHIONED, OUTDOOR, SCOUTING FUN FOR THE 21ST CENTURY!

Bite Size Canada

Canadian trivia and history in bite size chunks!

frugoal

(one gal getting more out of life by spending less)

campfirememories

a blog to complement: "Memory Lake: The Forever Friendships of Summer," an award winning novel-memoir

TrekOntario

Hike | Camp | Snowshoe | Geocache | Ski ...

Skowt

all together now

Jabbering All Day Long

It is true there is someone as bored as you

Flux and Flow

Stories of tedium, reality and falsity

Project Light to Life

A bucket list blog: exploring happiness, growth, and the world.

Bryan on Scouting

The official blog of Scouting magazine, a publication of the Boy Scouts of America.

The Scoutmaster Minute

Helping Deliver the Promise of Scouting!

Scouting History

scouting history with a focus on Scotland

write unto others as you would have them write unto you

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

The Assassin's Assassin

Living and Dying for Union

UK Forces Afghanistan

The official blog of UK Forces in Afghanistan, run jointly from London and Helmand.

4GWAR

Defense, Homeland Security

Funk's House of Geekery

Movies, Comics, Books, Games and Other Things Geeks Love

The Outlandish Avocado

Writings, Musings & Thinkings of C.M. Cipriani - Fiction Author

Sonia G Medeiros

In the Heart of the Labyrinth

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 209 other followers

%d bloggers like this: