Speaking of vacations, (you have to admire how I led you here huh?) here is a story of a childhood summer tradition. With the end of school fast approaching, I thought it would be to honour all the fun and more importantly the trouble we can/did/still-do get into during those wondrous days!
I trust that you will be taking notes while you enjoy this great song from Ray Stevens.
This is the last week of cat equity on OSo40. The relationship between cat and human has always been hard to understand. Humans tend to think of cats as a pet, something we own. Cats however tend to think of it more like a co-habituation situation.
As owners (C of C just fell of the desk with laughter!) we continue to try to get our feline companions to do what we want them to do. As the “real” owners, our cats just stare at us with that “you poor silly human” look on their faces.
Ever heard of the expression “it’s like herding cats”? No? Then please take a moment to watch the following short film.
So what really does go on inside that little furry head? A recent find (undisclosed source, I suspect the CIA) might give us a clue. It appears to be some sort of diary…
DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair… must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 – Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 – Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was… Hmmm. Not working according to plan …
DAY 768 – I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 – There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…
Taking the above into consideration, you might wonder if your “cute” little fur-ball might be plotting something far more sinister than a hair ball on your pillow. But how can you be sure? Luckily, the all-knowing internet has provided a simple test. Have a look this link and see if any of this seems familiar?
Illustrations by Matthew Inman
This wraps up the Saturday Funnies for this week. I’ll see you next week, just keep an eye on your cat!
After the events of last week, both the C of C and myself have agreed to put the past behind us. (See last week) So no more poking fun at felines for me (at least while the cat is watching!). I saw these videos a while back and thought I would share them with you now.
Leave it to IKEA to answer the age-old question: What do you get when you release 100 cats into a IKEA store? I’m sure many of you out there have lost countless hours of sleep trying to figure that question out! (I for one will sleep better tonight now that I’ve watched these videos!) Of course this now brings up a new question: Are IKEA cats as easy to put together as they no doubt will claim? I guess time will time on that score!
For your viewing pleasure, I’ve included the commercial, as well as the making of the commercial too. Have fun!
I have received a complaint about the serious lack of cat content in my weekly funnies! Apparently it has been noted that chickens, Muppet’s, and baseball have had their day in the sun. I won’t even mention the “super dog” Jesse (oops, just did)
The Cat of Complaint therefore has lodged a for”meow” protest. It points out that canines have had 5 different postings while
she felines have only had one!. It demands that I correct this most heinous of crimes.
Not wishing to have any more bad feelings between the two of us (see – The “Great Cat Burrito” Incident) , I therefore offer this weeks Saturday Funnies in the way of a peace-offering.
I’ve featured Simon’s Cat before, and those of you that live with a cat, you know all about this stuff. For those of you that don’t live with a cat, boy are you lucky! But seriously, cats give you many things. Like higher blood pressure, added cost of living replacing damaged household items, assorted dead vermin, … So if you are thinking about getting a cat for a pet, I have one word of advice. Ferret!
OK I have to go now, the cat is waiting to sign on to make sure that I’ve posted per her directions. So enjoy!
I got this song stuck in my head this week, and just couldn’t get it out. Even now it’s still in there, making the inside of my brain look like the floor of a movie theater after a show (can I get a clean up in theater 1 please!). So I’m going to do what any person that has an earwig (song stuck in their mind) would do, and that is share! (insert evil laugh) With any amount of luck it will go visit someone else, and leave me to pick kernels out of my ears.
You have to love the Swedish Chef, even though you can’t understand him. To me he will always ranked up there with Emeril (bam!) and Chef Julia Child (bon appétit) as one of the greats. Bonus points if you can you figure out what he is making? Think about it, it will come to you (eventually)!
Så tills nästa vecka, njut! (Swedish for “So until next week, enjoy!”)
Spring has sprung, and the “boys of summer” are in the last stages of getting ready for the new season. Hope springs eternal as ball fans around the world gear up for the season that will finally prove that all that suffering and dashed hopes was really worth it!
Here’s my prediction for the World Series (remember you heard it here first). Yep, defying all odds and logic this year’s fall classic will feature both of those lovable underdogs the BoSox and Cubbies. Be ready for a long one sports fans, as the series will run the full seven games with both teams taking 3 games each by only 1 run. The big showdown will be played out in Chicago (Go Cubbies!) with a record 47 innings of scoreless baseball. Soon it will become clear that these 2 teams are literally playing their fans hearts out, as the number of heart attacks soars to a level never seen in medical history.
The only solution is for the government to declare a state of medical emergency, and award both teams the championship title. After a joyous time of celebration, a tipsy Sox fan will suggest that the Cubs were lucky that the game was called when it was, because Boston would have really won it in the next inning. Thus, a new debate will be born for these baseball diehards. For the rest of us, we will wake up face down in a bowl of potato chips. Slowly it will dawn on us that we have fallen asleep watching the home opener and this was all just a bad dream!
Confused yet? NO? Then try to figure out the player’s names in this golden classic!
Who of you out there hasn’t done the “Chicken” dance at least once? Unless of course you were too chicken to try! I think we definitely use more musical poultry in the world. Here’s the smile for this week, and if you can’t smile at these …….
I could go on with a whole bunch of chicken puns now, but I think I’ll just let you watch these instead.
So please enjoy these little “nuggets”, they’re sure to get your “fingers” snapping and your feet doing the Funky Chicken.